Three years ago had been the most challenging year I’ve been living my whole life.
I still remembered that night when I cried my way to the bed after two giant grey clouds hovering over me and took something I hold on to so dearly. I was left alone, and everything became a blur for the rest of the night.
The next day, everything went dark, for the sky above my head starts to crumble under my feet.
I was about 20 years old when life was completely fine, and everything seems to be okay at that time. I was happy and living my best life, or so I thought. I spent my time in college hanging out with friends, met many new people, had new experiences, strolled around the city, late-night talk with a friend, stuff like that.
Until one day, reality slaps me hard in the face. I was knocked down to the ground, and all I see is dirt. And from that day, I lost everything one by one. I lost faith, hope, and I lost myself, too.
Going through the year, I was badly bruised and was facing so many doors, and it scares me back then. I was so afraid of the many possibilities and dangers I might encounter. So, I’m creating a giant bubble and start living in it.
I was in a state of denial. I kept telling myself that this is a mistake and should not last long. But I was wrong. It lasted a whole effing year.
Living in the bubble, I feel safe yet is too risky at the same time. And it starts to suffocate me. But, stepping out from it isn’t an easy process. Every time I step out from that ‘comfort’ to fight for my existence, fear kept holding me back.
And then a moment of truth came to me. I managed to pull myself together and step out of the bubble. Feeling a bit lost and alienated is the first thing I felt the first time I stepped my feet on the ground. With as much courage as I can get, I’m embracing my way to start again living my life to find my true self.
For today and the days beyond, I will continue to look back to exactly the moment three years ago that happened. I thank myself every day for taking the risk by getting out of that giant bubble and being who I am today.
